I stepped off the plane in Phoenix with butterflies in my stomach and that old familiar sense of dread that used to torment me in high school when change was happening. “What if the other kids don’t like me? What if I can’t find food I can eat? What if I get sick and need to go to the ER?” The thoughts came rushing over me like a water fall, anxiety like a strong ocean current. I took a deep breath and did the scariest thing I knew how to do: trust. I trusted the process, I trusted the people, and most of all, I trusted myself.
I am currently taking a class in Hawaii. I know, it sounds amazing– and it is, actually, amazing. I’m having the time of my life learning things I would never appreciate if learned while sitting in a classroom. I get beach time frequently, the other students are incredible, the food is amazing, we partook in two service activities, and the Hawaiian culture and history are rich in depth and spirituality. This class is truly a once in a life-time experience.
However, I am still a little bit scared. Trusting is not easy for me. I am a type-A perfectionist who plans every detail of her life out and follows that plan almost to a T. I wake up here not knowing what the day will bring or where I’ll be getting my next meal from. I second guess my conversations with classmates, wondering if I said the right thing or if I completely messed up. The only way to overcome these anxieties is to simply trust.
Trusting is an integral part of recovery. If you don’t trust the process of treatment, you will not progress. If you don’t trust your support system, you will stumble more than you climb. If you don’t trust yourself, your road to recovery will be much longer and more painful. Trust, trust, trust!
Trusting is not easy, and I can’t promise it will come without hard work. Maybe someone will wake up one day ready to place blind faith in everything around them, but for most of us, trusting is a learning process. I learned a lot about myself as I began to put faith in my treatment team, my support system, and myself, and this was a key part of my progress in recovery. If I can do it, so can you!
So, next time you start to doubt if eating that meal is a good idea or going to therapy is beneficial, just take a deep breath, cast aside your anxiety, and trust your treatment, your people, and yourself. One small act of courage can change the course of your recovery for the better.